Random Questions
by DragoncatKHfan
Summary: Mia questions Soren during a debriefing and hilarity ensues. Purely a crack fic.


It had been a pretty normal day; well as normal as life can be when you're fighting a war. Partly out of obligation and partly because they were being paid, the Greil Mercenaries had agreed to help the Laguz Alliance fight a war against Begnion which was set in to motion when rumors that the Senate was responsible for the serenes massacre had surfaced; it became official after Beginion had killed few gallian messengers.

The war had been going in their favor but thanks to the Laguz's strong belief in pride and dignity Begnion had won the last battle and now their army was forced to retreat or risk being slaughtered by not only Begnion, but Daein as well. The retreat would definitely not be easy under these circumstances and that was the reason why Soren now stood in a small tent, in front of the Greil Mercenaries, excluding Ike and few others who had already heard the plan during the war council, relaying his plan so that there was little to no chance that anything would go wrong.

"As a small recap support relationships are when two people form a bond which allows them to become stronger when they stand near each other. During this battle it is imperative that you stay near your partner as we will be going up against larger numbers then us and the bonus will be of tremendous help." Soren said gazing over the crowd. Suddenly Mia raised her hand.

"Yes Mia." Soren said looking directly at her.

"So you're telling us to use the buddy system?"

"Yes I, wait what, it's not the buddy system." Soren said slightly annoyed.

"You're telling us to stay close to someone so to decrease that chances that we'll die right."

"Yes."

"Sounds like the buddy system to me."

"She has a point." Rolf said thoughtful

There were murmurs of agreement among the crowd.

"Fine it's the buddy system."

"Then why do we call it support relationships?" Mia asked.

"Because it sounds more professional, moving on."

Mia raised her hand again.

"What is it now?"

"Why is that after we attack a person we can't do anything for a short period of time?"

"The short period of time allows us to plan our next course of action." Soren answered.

"But won't that also give the enemy time to give to plan their next course of action?"

Soren eyes narrowed.

"Wow if looks could kill Soren you wouldn't need your flippy move."

"My what?" Soren said his pitch rising near the end.

"You know that move where you form a circle on the ground, do a flip and then cast a spell."

"That's flare." Soren growled.

"So that's what it's called, hey what's the point of the flip?"

"Huh?"

"The flip you do before you cast the spell, what's the point of it?"

"Well um its, uhh." Soren stuttered.

"So it has no purpose. Wow Soren I never picture you to be the type to do something so pointless." Mia said smugly.

"Moving on."

Mia raised her hand yet again.

"What is it now?" Soren asked slowly becoming extremely irritated.

"We'll be fight alongside laguz right."

"Yes we have been this entire time." Soren said through grinding teeth.

"Well I was wondering, how is it that they are able to change into animals?"

"Well um I don't know, it's just a natural process their bodies are able to go through."

"Like puberty?"

"What?" Soren said staring in disbelief at Mia.

"Well puberty's a natural process that our bodies go through."

Soren sighed "Yes Mia laguz shifts are like puberty; do you have any other questions."

"Lots."

"If I may make a suggestion." Shinon said.

Soren sighed. "Fine, what is your suggestion?"

"Since Mia has a lot of questions, most of which if not asked now will only pop up later, I suggest you guys do a sort of lighting round where Mia ask a question and you answer it."

"That sounds like fun." Mia chimed

"If it will allow us to get on with the meeting."

"Ooh, can I start it." Rolf said with a glimmer in his eyes.

"Sure." Soren said.

"Okay, ready, set, GO!"

"Why is your hair green almost black, eyes red and the mark on your forehead?"

"Genetics."

"Why are you so loyal to Ike?"

"Because he was the first one to be nice to me."

"Why do you wear a dress?"

"It's not a dress it's a robe and it's because I'm a sage."

"So are sages cross dressers?"

"No."

"How does teleportation work?"

"Your molecules are separated, transported through the air, and then resembled elsewhere."

"How is that possible?"

"Same reason any other spell is possible, magical energy via spirits."

"Why doesn't it hurt when you get clubbed with a staff?"

"Because they are made of cheap materials that are only good for channeling magical energy."

"Is there porn in the spell books?"

"No."

"Then what is in them?"

"Spells written in ancient language."

"If that's the case why do you need the book can't you just memorize the spells for later?"

"Shut up, next question."

"Why does the earth have a molten core?"

"How do you even know that?"

"Why do we change clothes when we go up in class?"

"To allow us to differentiate between classes."

"How do we get new clothes when we change classes?"

"Elves."

"Ooh are they Santa's elves?"

"No."

"Are they the elves that bake cookies?"

"No."

"Are they shoe making elves?"

"Yes."

"What causes the bright light that surrounds us when we change classes?"

"Pixies."

"Why do the enemies and we take turns hurting each other on the battle field?"

"Because the trolls command it."

"Why is the sky blue?"

"Because it's a screen painted blue."

"Where do babies come from?"

"Not answering that, next question."

"Where do laguz babies come from?"

"The stork."

"What's 2+2?"

"Fish."

"What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?"

"42."

Mia and Soren began heavily panting."Are you done yet."

"Well," Mia said thoughtfully "I have one more question."

"You have question everything that there is to be question in our entire universe so what in Ashera name could you possibly have left to question!" Soren yelled, practically screaming the last part, his fist clenched into tight balls. The tent became silent except for Soren's heavy breathing. Mist voice finally broke the silence.

"Soren?" She said twiddling her thumbs.

"What?" Soren snapped.

Mist spoke in a very quiet, and slightly frightened, voice. "Like Shinon said Mia's question is only going to pop up later so why don't we finish the meeting and then she can ask it."

"I think that's a fair compromise." Mia piped. Soren sighed deeply regaining his composure. "I suppose against my better judgment I can agree to that."

About an Hour later

"And that's the plan, any questions?"

Mia raised her hand.

"Besides Mia."

Soren scanned the crowd and no hands came up.

"Alright Mia let me have it."

Mia slowly put her hand down and inhaled.

"Are you and Ike gay for each other?"


End file.
